What would work or school be like if not for friends?  

Friends are what help make the day go by, they add the fun, the joy.  The number of friends does not matter; it is just key that you have at least one person that can brighten your day.   But what if your child struggles to make friends or to keep relationships.  First, you need to remember not to worry.  Making friends is a skill, it comes naturally to some, but for others needs to be learned.  

Here are some tips for helping kids make friends:

• The sweet spot for making new friends is right at the start of the school year (or start of the hockey season, etc.).   Encourage your child to capitalize on the fact that most people are nervous and unsure.  If they can push themselves to look at people, to smile, say hi in these first few days, it makes a big difference.  Shy kids tend to keep their head down and to observe before engaging.  And while that is a great tactic for some situations, it can cause a shy child to get labelled as ‘not interested’ and then it gets harder later to break in socially.

• Lunch time and recess are the sweet spots.  Don’t take for granted that your child knows how to navigate these times.  Talk it through, help them strategize.  How do they break into the soccer game? Or join a table for lunch?  Help them think it through and have a plan so that they are not frozen in the moment and fade to the background.

• For younger kids, helping to plan play dates is a huge help to a child’s social life.  Once they are older, however, it is important they consider making plans and inviting friends to do things.  Help them think about this in advance.  Tweens are not great at planning; coach them, don’t do it for them.  Help them think about what they may want to do and walk them through the steps of making a plan.  Again, these are all learned skills and should not be taken for granted.